Pizza Man Skit

Materials:
pizza delivery uniform, pizza

Characters:
pizza guy

Directions:
Is a great way to have some fun introducing a new leader (or just get a Young Life leader from a neighboring club that no one knows). As the prize for one of your games, announce that the winner will get a free small pizza from . Have the new leader show up as the pizza guy. He can wear the hat and everything! After he brings in the pizza, he sits down by one of the kids. Nobody can get him to leave. Have him sing real bad, pick his nose, and even ask some of the kids about one of the female leaders he thinks is cute. Acting frustrated, ask him if he has pizza to deliver.

(You can take it as far as you want; one guy made it last three weeks. He can also come in and be completely into everything going on in club. Completely fooled the kids, and they loved it!)

The Dog Crap Skit

Materials:
chocolate candy

Characters:
2 people

Directions:
Two people walking along discover some fecal looking matter (wet chocolate candy works well), and after looking, feeling, smelling, and tasting they decide that it is dog crap and it’s a good thing they didn’t step in it.

They can also get into challenging the other person to feel it, smell it, and taste it. End together with the line, "It looks like dog crap, it smells like dog crap, and it tastes like dog crap, good thing we didn’t step in it!"

I Hate It When That Happens Skit

Materials:
none

Characters:
2 people

Directions:
This one is straight from Saturday Night Live in the 80’s. Two people are sitting around exchanging stories about what they hate happens and the stories get bigger and more exaggerated every time.

Naked Bacon Skit

Materials:
none

Characters:
Roadie, Rowdy

Directions:
Roadie: I didn't hear you say, "he's chasin' me."
Rowdy: What?
Roadie: I didn't hear you say, "he's chasin' me."
Rowdy: What are you talking about?
Roadie: I just -- just a second -- I just didn't hear him say, "He's chasin' me." If I had heard him say "he's chasin' me", I'd have chased him.
Rowdy: Are you telling me that I didn't say, "He's chasin' me"?
Roadie: I didn't say that you didn't say, "He's chasin' me". I didn't hear you say, "He's chasin' me."
Rowdy: Oh, you didn't hear me say, "He's chasin' me".
Roadie: If I had heard you say, "He's chasin' me", I would have chased him. If I could live my life all over again, I would.
Rowdy: Don't make a big deal out of this. It is not necessary. I just wanted to know if you heard me say, "He's chasin' me", and you said, "No". You answered my question. Now... did you hear me say anything?
Roadie: I didn't hear you say, "He's chasin' me."
Rowdy: I didn't ask, "Did you hear me say "He's chasin' me" I asked, "Did you hear me say anything?"
Roadie: Yeah, but you're trying to get me to say that I heard you say, "He's chasin' me." I didn't hear you say...
Rowdy: No, I am not. I am asking Roadie a simple, straight forward question. I'm asking Roadie, it's a yes-or-no question, did you hear me say anything? Yes or No?
Roadie: I didn't hear you say "He's chasin' me."
Rowdy: Did you hear me say anything? Yes or No?
Roadie: Yes
Rowdy: Yes, what?
Roadie: Yes, sir.
Rowdy: That is not the answer I am looking for.
Roadie: No, sir.
Rowdy: No is not right either.
Roadie: If yes and no are wrong, then I don't have a choice. I am wrong either way.
Rowdy: This is a two part question... not a yes or no question. First part, did you hear me say anything? And you said, "Yes."
Roadie: Yes.
Rowdy: You said yes and no. Which is it? Yes or no?
Roadie: I heard you say something.
Rowdy: Oh, you did?
Roadie: Yes.
Rowdy: What do you think you thought you heard?
Roadie: I didn't think I thought I heard you say "He's chasin' me."
Rowdy: Well, what do you think you thought I said?
Roadie: I didn't think I thought what I heard is what you said.
Rowdy: I don't want you to think about what you think I thought. I just want you to tell me what you think you thought you heard.
Roadie: I didn't think I thought I heard what you think you thought you said.
Rowdy: I know what I said. I said, "He's chasin' me."
Roadie: I think that--yes, I heard, yes sir, something, no sir. . .
Rowdy: Don't go on and on. I just want to know what you think you thought you heard. If it didn't sound like, "He's chasin' me," what did it sound like to you?
Roadie: It didn't sound like you said, "He chasin' me."
Rowdy: Than what did it sound like?
Roadie: It sounded like I thought I heard you say, "Naked" or "Bacon" or "Naked Bacon."
Rowdy: Of course, that makes all the sense in the world. I'm going to run through here, stop, turn to Roadie, and say, "Naked Bacon."
Roadie: It didn't make any sense to me either. So I just ignored him.
Rowdy: I know Roadie believes he understands what he thinks he thought I said, but I'm not sure he realizes that what he thought he heard is not what I meant. Do you understand, I did not say, "Naked bacon?"
Roadie: Then I apologize. I'm sure--with enthusiasm--you did say, "He's chasin' me." So it is my fault, I just didn't hear you.
Rowdy: What were you doing?
Roadie: I was nervous. I was taking a mental nap.
Rowdy: A mental nap?
Roadie: With a capital "R." I just didn't hear you. I was emotionally vague.
Rowdy: You were emotionally vague. Now what does that mean?
Roadie: It's a point of view.
Rowdy: Uh-huh.
Roadie: With no target.
Rowdy: This is obviously going no where.
Roadie: Thank you very much.
Rowdy: It wasn't a compliment.

You Got Me, Buddy Skit

Materials:
toy gun (sub-machine gun is best); toy gun that shoots or a recording of gunfire music, strobe light (optional), gangster clothing, newspaper

Characters:
Capone, Mugsy, Buddy

Directions:
The concept we built up was that two people were sitting in a train (outside of Chicago in the Carpathian Mountains - facing each other in front of the audience). The train is moving and they are bouncing around. A third person enters the train and jumps out. He is somewhat behind the one passenger and facing the other.

The person says, "All right Capone, the gig is up. We’re tired of yer thievin’ cheatin’ ways! No more will you steal the canes from little old ladies and take the change out of pay toilets. The gig is up."

To which Capone can only reply, "All right Mugsy, give me your best shot!" At this moment, the gunfire erupts, the lights go off and the strobe light begins. Everyone is kind of moving around. When the gun-fire finishes, Capone says, "You got me buddy, You got me Pal, you got me Buddy!"

"Then why aincha dead yet?" queries Mugsy. "Because, you got.....pause.......me Buddy!" At this moment, the other passenger, sitting with his back to Mugsy and reading a newspaper the whole time, keels over.

Our First Kiss Skit

Materials:
2 chairs, pre-recorded script, bag of M&Ms, Hershey’s Syrup, Romeo and Juliet theme

Characters:
guy, girl

Directions:
The couple is seated next to each other either on a couch or in two chairs as if they were in a car at the drive-in.

GUY: I really hope she had a good time tonight. I know I did!
GIRL: I wonder if he enjoyed being out with me tonight. I had such a great time!
GUY: I’ve never felt this way before about a girl. I hope she likes me as much as I like her.
GIRL: I’ve never felt this way about a guy. I hope he likes me as much as I like him. (pause) Maybe he’ll hold my hand.
GUY: I think I’ll hold her hand. (pause) Her hand is so soft...as soft as a rose petal.
GIRL: I hope he puts his arm around me. He’s so nice.
GUY: I think I’ll put my arm around her. She’s so nice.....as nice as a princess.
GIRL: I really like him....If only he knew how much. Maybe.....maybe.....He’ll kiss me.
GUY: I really like her...If only she knew how much. Maybe....maybe......I’ll kiss her. (pause) If only she would stop eating those M&M’S!
(she still keeps on eating in a nervous way)
GUY: Oh, well......Here goes........
(cue "Romeo & Juliet Theme")
GIRL: what a sweet kiss!
GUY: (says this out loud so the audience may hear)
What a sweet kiss!
(Hershey’s Syrup runs out of his mouth as if he "acquired" it during the kiss.)

The Sneak Thief Skit

Materials:
2 suites, table, table cloth, newspaper, 2 coffee cups, watch, 2 bright colored boxer shorts

Characters:
2 men

Directions:
Two gentlemen dressed in business suits walk into a restaurant on their coffee break and sit at a table that is covered with a long table cloth. One has a newspaper under his arm. They both order coffee and one pulls out the paper and begins to read. He shares some of the stories briefly with his friend and then whistles in surprise:

Man 1: (with paper) Did you see this article about the Sneak Thief?
Man2: No, what happened?
Man1: Listen to this (reads aloud). "Another series of bizarre robberies occurred yesterday in . Purses, wallets and other items mysteriously disappeared. Police are baffled and have no clues as to the thief’s identity or how he or she strikes without being seen. The public is warned to be on their guard until the thief is apprehended.
Man 2: That’s unbelievable!

They continue to talk, the waitress brings the coffee, one man signs the check. They drink the coffee quickly. One man looks at his watch and says, "We’d better get back to the office." They both arise and walk out minus their pants and clad in bright colored boxer shorts. (The two should practice getting out of their pants so that the audience does not notice. The operation is hidden behind the tablecloth. If loafers are worn, shoes can easily be slipped off and on again.)

The Flat Tire Skit

Materials:
tire, jack

Characters:
man, woman

Directions:
The scene is a roadside, and a woman is trying to change her flat tire, but is obviously having a difficult time. A gentleman happens along and offers help.

He: What seems to be the problem?
She: I have a flat tire and I don’t know how to work this crazy thing (as she points to the jack).
He: Maybe I can help. By the way, how did you get this flat tire?
She: I was in such a hurry that I ran over a pop bottle.
He: Didn’t you see it?
She: How could I. The dumb little kid had it in his pocket.

YouTube Embed Spectacular

So, one of the staffers out in Salt Lake City sent this to me ages ago. Literally. Almost a year ago! My apologies that it's taken so long to share.

Nonetheless, the basic premise is this: Fill the dead spaces and transition times at Club with the best viral videos from YouTube. It's a brilliant idea and I suspect many of you have been doing this for years. Below you'll find a list of several great videos. But first, a few notes:

1. Pre-screen the videos for language. Some will include inappropriate language. In these cases, use the visual humor, but play audio over top of the video's audio. Or, just don't use them. Your call.
2. Double-check the related videos that pop up after you complete your video or are listed alongside your video. Sometimes, these can be unsavory.
3. To avoid #2 and avoid issues with an unpredictable or non-existent internet connection, you can actually download the YouTube videos directly to your computer using MPEG Steamclip (Mac & PC) or Evom (Mac). I like Evom. You can then play these through iTunes, QuickTime, or Windows Media Player right from a laptop or from an iPhone/iPad/iPod with the right cords.
4. More hilarious videos here: Greg Rutter's Definitive List of the 99 Things You Should Have Already Experienced on the Internet Unless You're a Loser or Old or Something. Several of those are not appropriate so you'll have to do the separating.
5. Just released: Greg Rutter's SECOND Definitive List of the 99 Things You Should Have Already Experienced on the Internet Unless You're a Loser or Old or Something. Again, you'll have to do the heavy lifting of deciding what is and what isn't appropriate. That's why you're paid the big bucks as a volunteer Young Life leader!
6. On that not, the Failblog is also a pretty risque site, but the Failblog YouTube Channel has some excellent videos that are mostly clean.

Without further ado, the videos...

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Finally, a few links of the links don't allow embedding:

• Blood
• Whacked Out Skateboarding
• Highest Blob Jump Launch (AWESOME!)

The Candy Store Skit

Materials:
beard, cane, jar of jellybeans, ladder, shelf

Characters:
4 guys, old man

Directions:
Four guys enter the "candy store," that is run by an old man (bent over, shaky voice, beard and cane).

The first person asks for a dimes worth of jelly beans. The old man notices that the jelly beans are on the top shelf and tries to talk him out of it, but the person insists. So the old man gets a ladder and with much pain climbs to the top, gets the jelly beans and comes down the ladder. He puts the ladder away.

The second person does the same thing and asks for a dimes worth of jelly beans. Again the old man goes through the same bit and gets the jelly beans. After he does, the third person also asks for a dimes worth of jelly beans and the very annoyed and tired old man climbs up his ladder again getting the jelly beans.

This time while he is up there, he asks the last person, "I suppose you want a dimes worth of jelly beans too?" The last person says, "No."

The old man comes down, and puts away the ladder. "Now, what do you want, "he asks. The person answers, "I want a nickels worth of jelly beans." The old man chases him out of the store with his cane, shouting.

A Day In The Desert

Materials:
glass, sign, comb

Characters:
3 people

Directions:
Place a glass of water in the middle of the floor, with a sign that says, "Oasis." Three people crawl in, crying out, "Water, water, we've got to have some water!" Two people die before making it to the water, but the third finally reaches the glass. He picks up the glass of water, pulls out his comb, dips it in the water, and walks away happily combing his hair.

Radio Jumble Skit

Materials:
station signs

Characters:
7 stations, sound effect

Directions:
All seven persons (A,B,C,D,E,F, and G) and stations and simply stand in front of the audience and read the script below when their turn comes.

To introduce the skit, announce that this is what happened one day, when you were trying to find a radio station to listen to. Each of the readers can wear a sign with the name of a radio station on it.

Each "click" below indicates a station change. (The "clicks" can be inserted at the appropriate times by an offstage sound effects person.)

Station A: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is Seymour Skidmarks bringing you the latest news in the world of sports. The annual football game between _________ and __________ was played last week to the enjoyment of a large crowd who went wild at the crucial point during the game when Coach ________ sent in … (click)

Station B: …three eggs, a cup of buttermilk, and a pinch of salt. Stir well and pour into a flat greased pan or… (click)

Station C: …your new fall hat. This year, fashion decrees that women shall wear a large variety of charm bracelets. A most popular design is to make them of… (click)

Station D: …old whiskers? If you do, just shave them off with Bates’ Better Shaving Cream. Use this cream, and you will be so handsome that all the girls will… (click)

Station E: …bend over and touch the floor twenty times. This exercise is superb for general reducing. All right now, pupils, again let’s bend over, up, over… (click)

Station F: …(Singing) the ocean. My Bonnie lies over the sea. My Bonnie lies over the ocean, oh bring back my Bonnie to … (click)

Station A: … ________ who sailed down the field for a touchdown that tied the game. What a play! What a perfect… (click)

Station C: …ly darling little summer bag that all you girls simply must have. At first glimpse they may remind one of… (click)

Station G: …a bowl of soup. But it was tooooo hot. The second bowl was as hot as the first, but the third was just right. Goldilocks ate, and ate, until she could… (click)

Station D: …feel the stiff beard with your hand. Does that appear to be very romantic? Our foolproof way to get a girl friend is to… (click)

Station E: …breathe deeply four times, and pound on your chest with the fists after inhaling each breath. This enlivens the tissues and makes one feel… (click)

Station B: …puffy and full of air. This effect can be had by beating the mixture with a rotary eggbeater for five… (click)

Station C: …hundred years. The things our grandmothers wore then are the most popular things today. Already fashion leaders, prominent society women are trying to bring back more old-fashioned manners. Their cry is "Bring back…" (click)

Station F: …(Singing) my Bonnie to me, bring back, bring back, oh bring back my Bonnie to me. Bring back, bring back … (click)

Station D: …a nice soft chin and a host of compliments. If you use our cream, those whiskers will come out with a … (click)

Station G: …CRASH!! Goldilocks had broken the little chair all to pieces. Then she jumped up and started up the stairs. There she saw three beds. The first bed was covered with a bearskin rug, which was too soft. The second bed was covered with… (click)

Station A: …what looked like crawling things from the press box, but it was only the players in hard scrimmage. We are looking with expectations to _______ winning their ________ championship this fall. The players are in good condition and average weight is… (click)

Station E: …110 pounds. You, too, can weigh this much if you but follow these simple exercises. Don’t take them too hard at first or you will probably have to… (click)

Station F: …(Singing) lay on a pillow. Last night as I lay on my bed; last night as I lay on my pillow, I dreamed that my Bonnie was… (click)

Station B: …cooking in a hot oven about 450 degrees Fahrenheit. For an extra treat, garnish, add cloves or whole… (click)

Station G: …bears? Will Goldilocks get home safely? How will the story end? Keep your radio tuned to this station until tomorrow at this time for the next episode of this thrilling story. Until then kiddies, be sweet and don’t forget too… (click)

Station D: …shave off the whiskers with Bates’. Our motto is… (click)

Station E: …stand on your head and wave your feet in the air. Gym clothes are best for this exercise, but… (click)

Station C: …on ostrich feather will do just as well. Take my tip and you girls will be as fashionable as… (click)

Station A: …________, to whom we are looking for great things this year. This is your friendly announcer, Seymour Skidmarks signing off and saying… (click)

Station C: …Night all!

You Were Lucky #2 Skit

Materials:
pitcher

Characters:
3 guys/girls

Directions:
Use same guy starting each round and same guy going second and third. This will set up the conclusion. Guys go in order (separated by semicolons).

NOTE: During the skit, someone will need to take a break and go behind us to get the pitcher of Chateau to establish the fact that it is there.

ROUND 1 - Family

1. 9 brothers and sisters; 20 brothers and sisters; 43 brothers and sisters
2. 2 room shack; cardboard box; hole in the ground
3. ate gruel & grits, snails, bugs; I dreamed of eating snails, no breakfast, bark; no breakfast & gruel; no breakfast, no lunch, no dinner
   

ROUND 2 - Education

1. parents required all A's; required 100 percent; required 125 percent
2. my mama "Lady Wrestler" weighed 346 lbs. and would whup me with a leather strap; daddy was a Marine drill Sargent was 6'9" and 2000 lbs. and he whup me with a stick; my ole man was one of Hell's Angels and he was 9'6" and weighted 5000 lbs. and he didn't whup me with straps, he used chains then tied me to the back of his motorcycle and drug me through town
   

ROUND 3 - Work

1. worked plowing fields, everybody else had tractors, I had a shovel; worked in a coal mine, didn't have no picks or shovels, I used a toothpick and got air through a tube; I cleaned out out-houses, all we used was hands and mouth, didn't get no air
2. many a day I worked 14 hours a day; worked 22 hours a day; worked 29 hours a day

At the end, the first guy gets fed up with the other two for topping him and jumps up and starts mouthing. The second guy is mad at the third and he starts mouthing. The third guy sits alone proudly stating that they were lucky. The other two, in the meantime, get their Chateau De Sauce and pour the water pitcher on the third.