Poetry Corner Run-on

Materials:
song lyrics

Characters:
poet

Directions:
This is someone who comes in very seriously to read poetry, only the poem is from a song off of the radio which has some goofy lyrics. The more you get into it the better.

UPDATE:

Need a descriptive example? You're in luck...

Other Possible Run-on Ideas

Materials:
costumes

Characters:
Viking, cheese-head, cone-head, evil Easter Bunny or Santa, captain champion, spin-off's of recent movies, TV shows, sale-person, hapless scientist, magician, workout video host, daytime talk-show host, or professor

Directions:
Vikings, cheese-heads, cone-heads, evil Easter Bunny or Santa, captain champion, any spin-off's of recent movies, TV shows, sale-person selling products, hapless scientists, magicians, workout video hosts, spin-off of a daytime talk-show host with different guests, a professor who comes in and reads goofy instructions, poems, deep thoughts, etc.

Impressions Of An Administrator Run-on

Materials:
none

Characters:
impressionist

Directions:
Great one if you have a good relationship with a principal, coach or a teacher, that the kids would not suspect. You stop club and explain that although they may not know it, you actually are very good at impressions and that some kids at club urged you to share this. You do your best impression of the principal (teacher, whomever) and as you really ham it up, they walk in behind you repeating what you say. You realize you have been set up and apologize, they pie you in the face and walk out. Make them the hero.

Retainer Boy And The Evil Orthodontidists Run-on

Materials:
costumes, presents, hoop, antenna

Characters:
orthodontist, Retainer Boy

Directions:
Basic swanky 70s evil orthodontists only have 1 patient, retainer boy so each week Retainer Boy comes in to give them some presents and try to make them like him. Instead they build the retainer bigger and better each week (Nerf hoop, TV antenna) until he finally tears it off and teaches them a lesson.

Scenes That Didn’t Make Star Wars Run-On

Materials:
costumes, directors chair

Characters:
director, other Star Wars characters

Directions:
There is a movie director who comes in to music each week as the steady character (this person needs to be funny). Each week they set the stage for a different scene that didn't make Star Wars. Examples:

• Jabba the Hutt, trying desperately to lose weight, meets Richard Simmons.
• Yoda abuses Luke by throwing things at him as he teaches Luke to Feel the Force. He gives up and decides to teach Hooked On Phonics instead.
• Darth Vader as a child gets abused for his costume on the playground, choke holds a kid, and then gets sent to the principal’s office. This was the beginning of his asthma problem.
• Princess Lea confesses to Chewbacca that it is him she loves, not Han Solo.
• A video of the making of the special effects with dolls
  

Foible Award Or Geek Of The Week Run-On

Materials:
geek costume, foil

Characters:
geek

Directions:
Each week your resident geek comes out and gives an award to the kid who did the most ridiculous thing during the past week. Kids turn in nominees at club the week before. Leaders pick a winner and give them the Foil Ball award. They must carry it to school and bring it back bigger next week. Make the kid a hero not a loser.

Water Warriors

Materials:
6 big garbage cans, water, goggles, nose plugs, shower caps

Characters:
none

Directions:
The key to this skit is borrowing half a dozen or so big garbage cans. (Preferably the great big plastic ones with wheels that are automatically dumped.) Fill the garbage cans with water and have people inside the cans. When the appropriate music plays the people inside the cans pop up and begin to dance. Make sure they have goggles, nose plugs and funky shower caps.

"He Said He’s Met You Before!" Skit

Materials:
2 chairs, costumes

Characters:
old man, old woman, gas station attendant

Directions:
The old married couple are sitting in two chairs up front. They are acting as if they are driving in a car — with the old man’s hand on the steering wheel. They pull into a gas station, and the old man roles down his window.

Gas station attendant: "Can I help you?"
Old man: "Fill ‘er up."
Old Woman asks the old man, "What'd he say?"
Old Man: "He asked if he could help us."
Old Woman: "Tell him to fill ‘er up."
Old Man: "I told him to fill it up."
Gas station attendant: "Where are you two headed?"
Old Man: "We’re going to Disneyland."
Old Woman: "What'd he say?"
Old man: "He asked us where we’re headed."
Old Woman: "Tell him we’re going to Disneyland."
Old Man: (disgustingly) "I told him we’re going to Disneyland!"
Gas station attendant: "Where are you two from?"
Old Man: "We’re from ."
Old Woman: "What'd he say?"
Old Man: (angrily) "He asked us where we’re from!"
Old Woman: "Tell him we’re from ."
Old Man: (very angry) "I TOLD HIM WE’RE FROM !"
Gas station attendant: ", I've been to before. The women there are DOG UGLY!"
Old Woman: "What'd he say?"
Old Man: (looks at the old woman, then at the gas station attendant, and then back to the old woman and says) "He said he's met you before!"

Curtain closes — or lights go down — and music comes on (ideally), or old woman and man get up and walk out of the room like old folks.

Hallway Skit

Materials:
wallet, strobe light

Characters:
2 guys, 2 girls, Sociologist,

Directions:
Two guys facing one another at opposite ends of stage and two girls in the back talking to one another. Remain frozen during speaker’s speech.

Sociologist: Good evening, tonight we want to demonstrate the phenomenon of casual social interaction. This took place in a school hallway and in order to realize the extraordinary events that we have documented, you must pay careful attention. Okay, lets cut the lights and roll the tape.

Two guys start walking toward one another and when they pass, they accidentally bump into each other slightly. One guy says, "Hey man, watch where you’re going!"
Other guy: "I’m sorry."

Sociologist: Lights please. Alright, did anyone see the intense interaction taking place? No? I told you, you really have to pay close attention. Maybe it will help if we play the tape back and slow it down a little. Okay then, rewind the tape and kill the lights.

All the characters rewind their actions, including the girls in background, in fast speed. Wait for the strobe light and repeat scene but slower speed. This time, when guys bump into each other, one of them grabs wallet out of the other guys pocket. Freeze at the end of scene.

Sociologist: "Lights up. This time you people had to see it. We are simply amazed at the flurry of activity that teenager are capable of producing in such a short time span. Did everyone notice this? You still aren't able to realize what’s all happening? People, don’t blink. I guess we’ll have to slow the tape down even more. Play it again, please." (Characters rewind)

Scene repeats but this time guy taking wallet knees the other guy in the stomach, chops him on the back of head, and then takes his wallet when they bump. Rest of scene takes place the same (after bump).

Sociologist: "Lights! This is amazing. I can tell by your lackluster reaction that you are still not seeing the phenomenon we’re trying to show you. Let’s slow the tape down even further and play it one more time." (Rewind)

Scene repeats but when second guy get kneed in gut and chopped, he grabs arm of first guy that has wallet and swings over back so laying flat on ground. Pop back up for rest of the scene to proceed.

Sociologist: "Lights up again. Now what do you think? Wait a minute. You can’t be serious. The full range of events has still not been revealed to you? This is ridiculous. I can only slow this tape down so much. Rewind the tape, slow it again, and lights off."

The scene repeats the same as last time but as second guy flips first guys and gets wallet back, one of the girls walks over and knees guy in groin, takes wallet, pushes guy over on ground, walks back to friend, together they look on wallet, pull out the money, and give one another high fives.

Sociologist: "Okay, you finally saw what we did. Thanks for being an attentive audience. Good-night.

Cupid Skit

Materials:
bench, toy bow and arrow, Cupid costume

Characters:
girl, guy, Cupid

Directions:
Girl sitting on park bench. Guy comes in and likes the girl but she doesn’t respond. Cupid comes in and shoots girls and she gets real affectionate and scares the guy. Then the cupid shoots guy. Instead of getting all lovey, guy dies. Cupid takes his place on the park bench.

Do Brothers Skit

Materials:
shaving cream

Characters:
two brothers

Directions:
Have a shaving cream fight to the Dueling Banjos song.

You Were Lucky #3 Skit

Materials:
3 chairs, 3 cups

Characters:
Theule, Becky, Werf

Directions:
Theule, Becky, and Werf sitting in the Old Time Diner, drinking coffee.

Theule: You know, 30 years ago we would have been lucky to have a cup of coffee. Cold coffee. Yes, without sugar or milk — or coffee. In a cracked and filthy cup. We used to be so poor that we would drink coffee out of a rolled-up newspaper.
Becky: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! To have a newspaper, we used to have to suck our coffee out of a damp cloth. We were poor but we were happy, we were happy because we were poor.
Werf: My daddy said that dollars would never buy happiness, but that’s because he never had any money that dirty beggar. When I was a kid, we used to live in a house with big holes in the roof.
Theule: You had a house? You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes Lucky! We used to live in a bottle cap, 23 of us in the middle of Lake Michigan.
Werf: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! When I said it was a house, actually it was a room — all 36 of us, and we had only half a floor. We had a big hole in the middle of the floor and we used to huddle next to the wall for fear of falling in.
Becky: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! We used to live in a hallway.
Theule: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! We used to live in an abandoned septic tank in the middle of the garbage dump.
Werf: You lived in a septic tank? You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! We lived in a paper sack in the bottom of a toxic waste dump. Every morning we would awaken to nuclear waste being dumped on us until we glowed.
Becky: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! Actually the hallway I was telling you about was no more than a hole on the ground covered with twigs.
Theule: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! We were evicted from our hole. We had to live in the bottom of the lake.
Werf: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! To live in the bottom of the lake. There were 150 of us in a shoebox in the middle of the road. We dreamed of living in a lake.
Becky: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! To live in a shoebox. We lived in a brown paper bag. All 300 of us! Got up at 6 a.m. and ate a crust of stale bread, and worked in the muck for 12 hours. When we got home Dad wold beat us and put us to bed with no dinner.
Theule: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! We used to get up at 3 a.m., strain the lake clean with our teeth, eat up a cup of hot gravel, work 15 hours in the muck, and when we got home our Dad would beat us about the head and shoulders with a broken beer bottle and use us for kitty litter.
Werf: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! We dreamed of that! We used to live in a rusty tin can in the middle of the road. One hour after sunset we would clean the road with our tongues, eat a handful of cold gravel and work 20 hours in the muck with no pay! When we got home our Dad would cut us up with a gensu knife and use us for cheese fondue.
Becky: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! That was luxury. We used to get up in the morning at 10 at night — which was a half an hour before we went to bed — eat a hunk of dry poison — work 29 hours a day in the muck and when we go home our parents would kill us and dance around our grave singing, "Glory, Glory, Hallelujah."
Theule: But you tell that to the kids today and they simply don’t believe you.

Abdul The Magnificent Skit

Materials:
paper, pens, box

Characters:
Abdul

Directions:
This is a mind reading skit which, when done right, is downright spooky. Give each person a slip of paper, and ask them to write out their greatest ambition in life. The slips are then folded, collected, and "Abdul" (who should be dressed appropriately) proceeds to perform the task of reading the sentences to the group without opening the papers.

How is it done? Abdul also puts one slip of paper in the box along with the others, only he puts some kind of identifying mark on his. When the reading starts, he picks one of the slips from the box, rubs it on his forehead without opening it, and offers any sentence as a guess as to what is on the paper. He then looks at the paper, and to his dismay he is wrong, but that will soon be forgotten. He can blame it on the fact that the "spirits" aren’t quite right yet, but that the next one should be better.

It’s important not to dwell on this mistake long. Just get on with the next one. It’s also important not to reveal what was actually on the paper guessed incorrectly. Just get ride of it and go on.

Another slip of paper is held to the forehead, and Abdul then repeats the sentence that was actually on the previous paper. After rubbing his forehead, he opens this second slip of paper, confirms that he is correct and asks the person who wrote that sentence to identify it. Everyone is impressed. Another paper is drawn and again, Abdul repeats the sentence that was on the previously opened slip.

Each time he opens up a slip of paper to see if he is "correct" he is actually learning the next sentence. The important thing is to stay one slip ahead. When he comes to his own slip, which has been held until last, he repeats the sentence on the previous slip, and that takes care of all them. If this is done smoothly, it will really baffle the group.

Creativity Test Skit

Materials:
couch, chair, Rohrshach test

Characters:
Mr. Tolson (nerdy computer person), Dr. Roberts (psychologist)

Directions:
Mr. Tolson is knocking at the door on the door of Dr. Roberts the in-house psychologist.

Dr. Roberts: Mr. Tolson
Mr. Tolson: Are you Dr. Roberts?
Dr. Roberts: Yes, come in. Please have a seat. Sorry to have to call you down here on such short notice, but your company asked me to give you a creativity test.
Mr. Tolson: I’ve never taken one of those before
Dr. Roberts: Well, they’re pretty easy. Actually, they can be fun. Would you like a beverage?
Mr. Tolson: I work in the computer center on the 17th floor. We just got a new computer in and they put it in the back of the center. And all I did, I told them that they should put it up in the front of the center, so more of the people could get to it, but they didn’t.
Dr. Roberts: Fascinating. Okay, the first test that we’re going to do is called a word association test.
Mr. Tolson: I don’t know what that is.
Dr. Roberts: Well, it’s pretty simple. I’ll give you a word and you say just whatever you can think of.
Mr. Tolson: Well, that sounds easy.
Dr. Roberts: Great! Okay, well let’s start. First word, "shoe".
Mr. Tolson: shoe
Dr. Roberts: "rabbit."
Mr. Tolson: (long pause) Rabbit
Dr. Roberts: Trunk
Mr. Tolson: truck
Dr. Roberts: Okay, you’re just saying the words that I’m saying.
Mr. Tolson: I know, but when you say the word, that’s the word that I think of.
Dr. Roberts: Okay, it’s my fault then. Let’s try again, only this time I want you to change the word.
Mr. Tolson: Okay, so not just the same word.
Dr. Roberts: Great. You’re catching on. Okay? Next word "hat"
Mr. Tolson: Hatssss.
Dr. Roberts: "moose"
Mr. Tolson: Meese.
Dr. Roberts: Okay, now all you are doing is just pluralizing the words that I’m saying.
Mr. Tolson: Yeah, but they’re different.
Dr. Roberts: Yeah, they are different, but that’s not what I want. Okay, let me give you an example. Why don’t you give me a word.
Mr. Tolson: I give you a word
Dr. Roberts: Yeah, any word.
Mr. Tolson: "Word"
Dr. Roberts: Fine, Uh, that makes me think of "constriction" (folds arms across chest in a constrictive manner). Don’t worry you’ll catch on. Let’s try it again. Okay, "trumpet"
Mr. Tolson: "Constriction" (folding arms in same manner)
Dr. Roberts: "Scarf"
Mr. Tolson: "Moose"
Dr. Roberts: "Cat"
Mr. Tolson "Scarf"
Dr. Roberts: All right, now you’re just using the words that I’ve already used.
Mr. Tolson: Well, you didn’t say that I could use them up.
Dr. Roberts: Well, you can. Okay? Why don’t we just move on to another test.
Mr. Tolson: They got this new computer up in the computer center and I just told them they should put it up front, but they put it in the back.

Dr. Roberts: That’s fascinating. Okay? Look, uh, for this next test I’m going to start a sentence and I want you to complete it, okay?
Mr. Tolson: So all I have to do is finish it. Okay, all right. Well this one sounds easy.
Dr. Roberts: Okay, great. Now here is the first sentence. When we went to the park we were going to.......
Mr. Tolson: period.
Dr. Roberts: Okay, look, you have to add some words to it. Okay? Squeeze some words between the period and the other words all right. Let’s try it again. Let’s do another one. Jerry had a wonderful red balloon and he took it to....
Mr. Tolson: His friend Jerry...who also had a red balloon...and liked to add words.
Dr. Roberts: Look Mr. Tolson, I need you to come up with some answers on your own. Okay?
Mr. Tolson: We got a computer and they wouldn’t put it in the front and.....
Dr. Roberts: Look, I heard you the first time.
Mr. Tolson: Are you angry at me?

Dr. Roberts: No, Mr. Tolson, I’m not angry at you. Let’s move to the next test all right. This is called a Rohrshach Test. What it is, is some people took a piece of paper and put some ink on it and folded it. What I need you to do is look into these ink-blots and tell me what you see. (Holding up ink blot) Now, what do you see here Mr. Tolson?
Mr. Tolson: A black smear.
Dr. Roberts: Yeah, that’s exactly what it is. I need you to look into it and tell me what you see.
Mr. Tolson: (Looking at the Dr.’s shoes) I see black shoes.
Dr. Roberts: That’s good, I could see that.
Mr. Tolson: (looking at the Dr.’s tie.) I see a brown tie.
Dr. Roberts: Um hum, good, good.
Mr. Tolson: (Looking at the wall) I see a diploma from .
Dr. Roberts: That is enough Mr. Tolson, you will not leave this office until you tell me what you see in this.
Mr. Tolson: I don’t want to, I don’t want to.
Dr. Roberts: Look, I’m going to make you use one creative bone in your body if it’s the last thing I do. Now look at this and tell me what you see. Tell me.
Mr. Tolson: I see a dog. (struggling)
Dr. Roberts: Good.
Mr. Tolson: And it’s on a log. (continuing to struggle)
Dr. Roberts: Good, go with that.
Mr. Tolson: And the dog is a terrier...and it’s rabid... and it shakes its head back and forth in meaningless anger.
Dr. Roberts: Good, good, good.
Mr. Tolson: And foam sprays from its mouth and we follow this droplet of spit down to see where it lands on a symmetrical lawn and the drop of spit slowly transforms becoming a flaming brass eagle holding the Magna Carta in its claws. This eagle takes flight and soars over the (spit) gray convulsive Atlantic Ocean. (lowering voice) It flies low by the choppy waves a massive shimmering sea bass leaps up and it snatches the Magna Carta. But the sea bass is served to the family of Long John Silver’s restaurant. And as the family devours the fish the father is transformed. His eyes glow wolf-yellow, he starts at his claws and a massive crowd gathers around and he screams wildly into the night sky. "Where is the passion?" "Where...is...the...passion?"
Dr. Roberts: (stunned) I’ll see what I can do about getting those computers moved.
Mr. Tolson: Yeah, on the 17yh floor and they put it in the back.
Dr. Roberts: Sure, okay.

Boys In The Sandbox Skit

Materials:
3 dolls, envelop of tickets

Characters:
3 young boys, 3 young girls

Directions:
One boy says "Hey, I hear there’s some new girls in town! Yuk, gross, etc." "We hate girls."

Then the girls come in with hair in pig-tails and carrying dolls. The guys abuse them with, "Is that your face or did a ferret crawl up your collar!" etc.

After a few insults the girls get upset and say, "Well if you don’t want to play with us we won’t share our tickets to the Final Four!"

The guys go crazy apologizing . "We’re sorry! We didn’t mean it. We’ll be nice!"

Then the girls get together and conference and decide "OK you can come with us, but first you have to play house!"

The guys get together and you hear, "Play house, we’d rather die, or have scabies! No way!" Until some one distinctly says "final four!" to which they all nod and come out and openly agree.

The girls conference and then decide guys all have to carry dolls. The guys go through the same and finally agree.

The girls say, "You have to hold our hands". The guys finally comply. Then the girls give an envelope with tickets. The guys tear it open to find the final four tickets to the Barbie Doll Beauty Pageant. Each boy and girl exit holding hands and boy crying.

Blind Date Skit

Materials:
table, 2 chairs, 2 plates, 2 glasses, utensils

Characters:
guy, girl

Directions:
A guy and a girl are on a date. He realizes that she is actually blind, so starts doing all sorts of crazy things, finally she tells him that she’s only blind in one eye (or color blind).

Park Bench Fishing Skit

Materials:
bench, fishing pole, magazine

Characters:
old lady, old man, park officer

Directions:
An old lady is sitting on a park bench pretending like she is fishing. There is a man at the other end reading a magazine and minding his own business. A park officer comes by and tells her she has to stop a couple of times. Finally he tells the old man to get her out of there. The old guy looks perfectly sane but then he pretends the park bench is a motor boat, acts like he is starting it and riding away.

Toothpaste Commercial Skit

Materials:
toothpaste, toothbrush, glass of water

Characters:
4 leaders

Directions:
Leader 1: "I like this toothpaste because it whitens my teeth."
Leader 2: "I like this toothpaste because it freshens my breath."
Leader 3: "I like this toothpaste because it fights cavities."
Leader 4: "I don’t know about the toothpaste but I sure like the water."

Everyone uses the same toothbrush and gargles with the same glass of water. The last person drinks the glass of water.

NOTE:
This skit is banned by Young Life. It's only noted here so you know what it is and that it's banned. (Please see: http://staff.younglife.org/YL+Staff+Resources/Leader+Tools/Club/706+-+Banned+Activities.htm)

Mr. No Depth Perception Skit

Materials:
coffee, cup, window

Characters:
Mr. No Depth Perception, family

Directions:
A few family scenes where the husband has no depth perception. The funny part is that they guy doesn’t realize it. He pours his coffee and misses the cup, he looks out the window and his head goes through the window. Go crazy! Make up your own.

Enlarging Machine Skit

Materials:
machine-looking box, small frisbee, large frisbee, small ball, large ball, small flower, large flower, doll, diaper

Characters:
machine operator, kid

Directions:
You need a very large box to look like a machine. You then will put things into the machine and they will come out larger (frisbee, ball, flower). Then you will put a baby doll in and out will come a kid dressed in a diaper.

M&M’ On The Park Bench Skit

Materials:
2 chairs, M&M’s, chocolate syrup

Characters:
girl, studly guy, nerd

Directions:
Have an attractive girl sitting on a chair with an empty chair next to her. A studly guy comes in to pounding music. Sits down. He puts the moves on her, no dice. He leaves. Nerd comes in to twinky music eating LOTS OF M&M’s. He puts dorky moves on. Girl responds. He gives her a long kiss. When they sit up, look at audience, she smiles and chocolate syrup she’s had in mouth all along, oozes out, down face.

Cooking With Kodiak Skit

Materials:
Kodiak, razor, Oreo, tins, milk, blender, salad

Characters:
cooking host

Directions:
Cooking show where hosts love Kodiak. Sprinkle lots on everything and eat. Slice a Kodiak tin with a razor, clean out and crumble Oreo outsides to look like dip. Have a couple of real tins to throw out to crowd and for smell. Make milk shake in blender, salad, etc.

The Emergency Broadcast System Skit

Materials:
none

Characters:
emergency personnel

Directions:
This skit involves all of the leaders. They get up front and someone says, "This is a test of the emergency broadcast system, this is only a test." One person makes the "eeeeeee" sound that we hear on the radio, then the first person says, had this not been a test but a real situation the following would have happened. The second person makes the "eeeeeee" sound again and all of the leaders go crazy and run out of the room like the world is coming to and end.

Joey Bologna Skit

Materials:
bread, baloney, mayo, mustard, knife, plate

Characters:
Joey Bologna, victim

Directions:
Joey bologna is a guy who makes baloney sandwiches at lunchtime at work, and he has brought all that he needs in strange places, like bread in one shoe and bologna in the other, mayo under one arm and mustard under the other, and maybe a knife and a plate in a strange place too. Have someone eat the sandwich.

Eddie Spaghetti Skit

Materials:
spaghetti, sauce, Parmesan cheese, bread, plates, fork, table

Characters:
Eddy Spaghetti, victim

Directions:
Eddie Spaghetti is a guy who makes spaghetti at lunchtime at work, and he has brought all that he needs in strange places, like spaghetti in his shoes, Parmesan cheese in his hair, etc. Have someone eat it.

Where Did You Come From Skit

Materials:
chairs, pop corn

Characters:
movie watchers, screaming person

Directions:
This skit is a movie theater scene. I row of people are watching a movie, and one person is on the ground moaning and screaming in pain. The people try to get the person to be quiet because he/she is interrupting the movie. After a series of interaction someone asks, "Where are you from anyway?" The person answers, "The balcony." (As in — they fell from the balcony.)

Peanut Butter Deodorant Skit

Materials:
jacket, pitted shirt, jar of peanut butter, bread

Characters:
girl, brother, nervous boy

Directions:
Nervous boy comes over (wearing a jacket over his pit-stained shirt) to girl's house to pick her up for a date. 
Brother of girl answers door, small talk, and asks nervous guy to take off his jacket. 
Nervous guy refuses, and eventually does, revealing amazingly huge pit stains on shirt. 
Asks him about it, the guy says he just gets too nervous sometimes, and he wishes there was something he could do about it.

The girl's brother says he used to have the same problem, before he found the best deodorant ever: peanut butter. 
The brother demonstrates, by showing his peanut butter-covered pits (which he needs to have under his arms all this time, and he doesn't have to take his shirt off. He can have it on his shirt) The nervous guy is impressed, and liberally, and I mean liberally, applies it to his pits (the outside of his shirt).

Just then, the girl enters, says something like "hey Steve, are you ready to go?" And then the nervous guy, who is now confident, says "why bother going out for dinner? Dinner's on me!" 
Then the girl gets a couple of pieces of bread which are sitting somewhere close, and wipes them on his pits and eats them like a sandwich. (Yes, this is pretty gross. As you can guess, this skit depends upon finding a female leader who is willing to do this. Good luck.)

Pizza Man Skit

Materials:
pizza delivery uniform, pizza

Characters:
pizza guy

Directions:
Is a great way to have some fun introducing a new leader (or just get a Young Life leader from a neighboring club that no one knows). As the prize for one of your games, announce that the winner will get a free small pizza from . Have the new leader show up as the pizza guy. He can wear the hat and everything! After he brings in the pizza, he sits down by one of the kids. Nobody can get him to leave. Have him sing real bad, pick his nose, and even ask some of the kids about one of the female leaders he thinks is cute. Acting frustrated, ask him if he has pizza to deliver.

(You can take it as far as you want; one guy made it last three weeks. He can also come in and be completely into everything going on in club. Completely fooled the kids, and they loved it!)

The Dog Crap Skit

Materials:
chocolate candy

Characters:
2 people

Directions:
Two people walking along discover some fecal looking matter (wet chocolate candy works well), and after looking, feeling, smelling, and tasting they decide that it is dog crap and it’s a good thing they didn’t step in it.

They can also get into challenging the other person to feel it, smell it, and taste it. End together with the line, "It looks like dog crap, it smells like dog crap, and it tastes like dog crap, good thing we didn’t step in it!"

I Hate It When That Happens Skit

Materials:
none

Characters:
2 people

Directions:
This one is straight from Saturday Night Live in the 80’s. Two people are sitting around exchanging stories about what they hate happens and the stories get bigger and more exaggerated every time.

Naked Bacon Skit

Materials:
none

Characters:
Roadie, Rowdy

Directions:
Roadie: I didn't hear you say, "he's chasin' me."
Rowdy: What?
Roadie: I didn't hear you say, "he's chasin' me."
Rowdy: What are you talking about?
Roadie: I just -- just a second -- I just didn't hear him say, "He's chasin' me." If I had heard him say "he's chasin' me", I'd have chased him.
Rowdy: Are you telling me that I didn't say, "He's chasin' me"?
Roadie: I didn't say that you didn't say, "He's chasin' me". I didn't hear you say, "He's chasin' me."
Rowdy: Oh, you didn't hear me say, "He's chasin' me".
Roadie: If I had heard you say, "He's chasin' me", I would have chased him. If I could live my life all over again, I would.
Rowdy: Don't make a big deal out of this. It is not necessary. I just wanted to know if you heard me say, "He's chasin' me", and you said, "No". You answered my question. Now... did you hear me say anything?
Roadie: I didn't hear you say, "He's chasin' me."
Rowdy: I didn't ask, "Did you hear me say "He's chasin' me" I asked, "Did you hear me say anything?"
Roadie: Yeah, but you're trying to get me to say that I heard you say, "He's chasin' me." I didn't hear you say...
Rowdy: No, I am not. I am asking Roadie a simple, straight forward question. I'm asking Roadie, it's a yes-or-no question, did you hear me say anything? Yes or No?
Roadie: I didn't hear you say "He's chasin' me."
Rowdy: Did you hear me say anything? Yes or No?
Roadie: Yes
Rowdy: Yes, what?
Roadie: Yes, sir.
Rowdy: That is not the answer I am looking for.
Roadie: No, sir.
Rowdy: No is not right either.
Roadie: If yes and no are wrong, then I don't have a choice. I am wrong either way.
Rowdy: This is a two part question... not a yes or no question. First part, did you hear me say anything? And you said, "Yes."
Roadie: Yes.
Rowdy: You said yes and no. Which is it? Yes or no?
Roadie: I heard you say something.
Rowdy: Oh, you did?
Roadie: Yes.
Rowdy: What do you think you thought you heard?
Roadie: I didn't think I thought I heard you say "He's chasin' me."
Rowdy: Well, what do you think you thought I said?
Roadie: I didn't think I thought what I heard is what you said.
Rowdy: I don't want you to think about what you think I thought. I just want you to tell me what you think you thought you heard.
Roadie: I didn't think I thought I heard what you think you thought you said.
Rowdy: I know what I said. I said, "He's chasin' me."
Roadie: I think that--yes, I heard, yes sir, something, no sir. . .
Rowdy: Don't go on and on. I just want to know what you think you thought you heard. If it didn't sound like, "He's chasin' me," what did it sound like to you?
Roadie: It didn't sound like you said, "He chasin' me."
Rowdy: Than what did it sound like?
Roadie: It sounded like I thought I heard you say, "Naked" or "Bacon" or "Naked Bacon."
Rowdy: Of course, that makes all the sense in the world. I'm going to run through here, stop, turn to Roadie, and say, "Naked Bacon."
Roadie: It didn't make any sense to me either. So I just ignored him.
Rowdy: I know Roadie believes he understands what he thinks he thought I said, but I'm not sure he realizes that what he thought he heard is not what I meant. Do you understand, I did not say, "Naked bacon?"
Roadie: Then I apologize. I'm sure--with enthusiasm--you did say, "He's chasin' me." So it is my fault, I just didn't hear you.
Rowdy: What were you doing?
Roadie: I was nervous. I was taking a mental nap.
Rowdy: A mental nap?
Roadie: With a capital "R." I just didn't hear you. I was emotionally vague.
Rowdy: You were emotionally vague. Now what does that mean?
Roadie: It's a point of view.
Rowdy: Uh-huh.
Roadie: With no target.
Rowdy: This is obviously going no where.
Roadie: Thank you very much.
Rowdy: It wasn't a compliment.

You Got Me, Buddy Skit

Materials:
toy gun (sub-machine gun is best); toy gun that shoots or a recording of gunfire music, strobe light (optional), gangster clothing, newspaper

Characters:
Capone, Mugsy, Buddy

Directions:
The concept we built up was that two people were sitting in a train (outside of Chicago in the Carpathian Mountains - facing each other in front of the audience). The train is moving and they are bouncing around. A third person enters the train and jumps out. He is somewhat behind the one passenger and facing the other.

The person says, "All right Capone, the gig is up. We’re tired of yer thievin’ cheatin’ ways! No more will you steal the canes from little old ladies and take the change out of pay toilets. The gig is up."

To which Capone can only reply, "All right Mugsy, give me your best shot!" At this moment, the gunfire erupts, the lights go off and the strobe light begins. Everyone is kind of moving around. When the gun-fire finishes, Capone says, "You got me buddy, You got me Pal, you got me Buddy!"

"Then why aincha dead yet?" queries Mugsy. "Because, you got.....pause.......me Buddy!" At this moment, the other passenger, sitting with his back to Mugsy and reading a newspaper the whole time, keels over.

Our First Kiss Skit

Materials:
2 chairs, pre-recorded script, bag of M&Ms, Hershey’s Syrup, Romeo and Juliet theme

Characters:
guy, girl

Directions:
The couple is seated next to each other either on a couch or in two chairs as if they were in a car at the drive-in.

GUY: I really hope she had a good time tonight. I know I did!
GIRL: I wonder if he enjoyed being out with me tonight. I had such a great time!
GUY: I’ve never felt this way before about a girl. I hope she likes me as much as I like her.
GIRL: I’ve never felt this way about a guy. I hope he likes me as much as I like him. (pause) Maybe he’ll hold my hand.
GUY: I think I’ll hold her hand. (pause) Her hand is so soft...as soft as a rose petal.
GIRL: I hope he puts his arm around me. He’s so nice.
GUY: I think I’ll put my arm around her. She’s so nice.....as nice as a princess.
GIRL: I really like him....If only he knew how much. Maybe.....maybe.....He’ll kiss me.
GUY: I really like her...If only she knew how much. Maybe....maybe......I’ll kiss her. (pause) If only she would stop eating those M&M’S!
(she still keeps on eating in a nervous way)
GUY: Oh, well......Here goes........
(cue "Romeo & Juliet Theme")
GIRL: what a sweet kiss!
GUY: (says this out loud so the audience may hear)
What a sweet kiss!
(Hershey’s Syrup runs out of his mouth as if he "acquired" it during the kiss.)

The Sneak Thief Skit

Materials:
2 suites, table, table cloth, newspaper, 2 coffee cups, watch, 2 bright colored boxer shorts

Characters:
2 men

Directions:
Two gentlemen dressed in business suits walk into a restaurant on their coffee break and sit at a table that is covered with a long table cloth. One has a newspaper under his arm. They both order coffee and one pulls out the paper and begins to read. He shares some of the stories briefly with his friend and then whistles in surprise:

Man 1: (with paper) Did you see this article about the Sneak Thief?
Man2: No, what happened?
Man1: Listen to this (reads aloud). "Another series of bizarre robberies occurred yesterday in . Purses, wallets and other items mysteriously disappeared. Police are baffled and have no clues as to the thief’s identity or how he or she strikes without being seen. The public is warned to be on their guard until the thief is apprehended.
Man 2: That’s unbelievable!

They continue to talk, the waitress brings the coffee, one man signs the check. They drink the coffee quickly. One man looks at his watch and says, "We’d better get back to the office." They both arise and walk out minus their pants and clad in bright colored boxer shorts. (The two should practice getting out of their pants so that the audience does not notice. The operation is hidden behind the tablecloth. If loafers are worn, shoes can easily be slipped off and on again.)

The Flat Tire Skit

Materials:
tire, jack

Characters:
man, woman

Directions:
The scene is a roadside, and a woman is trying to change her flat tire, but is obviously having a difficult time. A gentleman happens along and offers help.

He: What seems to be the problem?
She: I have a flat tire and I don’t know how to work this crazy thing (as she points to the jack).
He: Maybe I can help. By the way, how did you get this flat tire?
She: I was in such a hurry that I ran over a pop bottle.
He: Didn’t you see it?
She: How could I. The dumb little kid had it in his pocket.

YouTube Embed Spectacular

So, one of the staffers out in Salt Lake City sent this to me ages ago. Literally. Almost a year ago! My apologies that it's taken so long to share.

Nonetheless, the basic premise is this: Fill the dead spaces and transition times at Club with the best viral videos from YouTube. It's a brilliant idea and I suspect many of you have been doing this for years. Below you'll find a list of several great videos. But first, a few notes:

1. Pre-screen the videos for language. Some will include inappropriate language. In these cases, use the visual humor, but play audio over top of the video's audio. Or, just don't use them. Your call.
2. Double-check the related videos that pop up after you complete your video or are listed alongside your video. Sometimes, these can be unsavory.
3. To avoid #2 and avoid issues with an unpredictable or non-existent internet connection, you can actually download the YouTube videos directly to your computer using MPEG Steamclip (Mac & PC) or Evom (Mac). I like Evom. You can then play these through iTunes, QuickTime, or Windows Media Player right from a laptop or from an iPhone/iPad/iPod with the right cords.
4. More hilarious videos here: Greg Rutter's Definitive List of the 99 Things You Should Have Already Experienced on the Internet Unless You're a Loser or Old or Something. Several of those are not appropriate so you'll have to do the separating.
5. Just released: Greg Rutter's SECOND Definitive List of the 99 Things You Should Have Already Experienced on the Internet Unless You're a Loser or Old or Something. Again, you'll have to do the heavy lifting of deciding what is and what isn't appropriate. That's why you're paid the big bucks as a volunteer Young Life leader!
6. On that not, the Failblog is also a pretty risque site, but the Failblog YouTube Channel has some excellent videos that are mostly clean.

Without further ado, the videos...

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Finally, a few links of the links don't allow embedding:

• Blood
• Whacked Out Skateboarding
• Highest Blob Jump Launch (AWESOME!)

The Candy Store Skit

Materials:
beard, cane, jar of jellybeans, ladder, shelf

Characters:
4 guys, old man

Directions:
Four guys enter the "candy store," that is run by an old man (bent over, shaky voice, beard and cane).

The first person asks for a dimes worth of jelly beans. The old man notices that the jelly beans are on the top shelf and tries to talk him out of it, but the person insists. So the old man gets a ladder and with much pain climbs to the top, gets the jelly beans and comes down the ladder. He puts the ladder away.

The second person does the same thing and asks for a dimes worth of jelly beans. Again the old man goes through the same bit and gets the jelly beans. After he does, the third person also asks for a dimes worth of jelly beans and the very annoyed and tired old man climbs up his ladder again getting the jelly beans.

This time while he is up there, he asks the last person, "I suppose you want a dimes worth of jelly beans too?" The last person says, "No."

The old man comes down, and puts away the ladder. "Now, what do you want, "he asks. The person answers, "I want a nickels worth of jelly beans." The old man chases him out of the store with his cane, shouting.

A Day In The Desert

Materials:
glass, sign, comb

Characters:
3 people

Directions:
Place a glass of water in the middle of the floor, with a sign that says, "Oasis." Three people crawl in, crying out, "Water, water, we've got to have some water!" Two people die before making it to the water, but the third finally reaches the glass. He picks up the glass of water, pulls out his comb, dips it in the water, and walks away happily combing his hair.

Radio Jumble Skit

Materials:
station signs

Characters:
7 stations, sound effect

Directions:
All seven persons (A,B,C,D,E,F, and G) and stations and simply stand in front of the audience and read the script below when their turn comes.

To introduce the skit, announce that this is what happened one day, when you were trying to find a radio station to listen to. Each of the readers can wear a sign with the name of a radio station on it.

Each "click" below indicates a station change. (The "clicks" can be inserted at the appropriate times by an offstage sound effects person.)

Station A: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is Seymour Skidmarks bringing you the latest news in the world of sports. The annual football game between _________ and __________ was played last week to the enjoyment of a large crowd who went wild at the crucial point during the game when Coach ________ sent in … (click)

Station B: …three eggs, a cup of buttermilk, and a pinch of salt. Stir well and pour into a flat greased pan or… (click)

Station C: …your new fall hat. This year, fashion decrees that women shall wear a large variety of charm bracelets. A most popular design is to make them of… (click)

Station D: …old whiskers? If you do, just shave them off with Bates’ Better Shaving Cream. Use this cream, and you will be so handsome that all the girls will… (click)

Station E: …bend over and touch the floor twenty times. This exercise is superb for general reducing. All right now, pupils, again let’s bend over, up, over… (click)

Station F: …(Singing) the ocean. My Bonnie lies over the sea. My Bonnie lies over the ocean, oh bring back my Bonnie to … (click)

Station A: … ________ who sailed down the field for a touchdown that tied the game. What a play! What a perfect… (click)

Station C: …ly darling little summer bag that all you girls simply must have. At first glimpse they may remind one of… (click)

Station G: …a bowl of soup. But it was tooooo hot. The second bowl was as hot as the first, but the third was just right. Goldilocks ate, and ate, until she could… (click)

Station D: …feel the stiff beard with your hand. Does that appear to be very romantic? Our foolproof way to get a girl friend is to… (click)

Station E: …breathe deeply four times, and pound on your chest with the fists after inhaling each breath. This enlivens the tissues and makes one feel… (click)

Station B: …puffy and full of air. This effect can be had by beating the mixture with a rotary eggbeater for five… (click)

Station C: …hundred years. The things our grandmothers wore then are the most popular things today. Already fashion leaders, prominent society women are trying to bring back more old-fashioned manners. Their cry is "Bring back…" (click)

Station F: …(Singing) my Bonnie to me, bring back, bring back, oh bring back my Bonnie to me. Bring back, bring back … (click)

Station D: …a nice soft chin and a host of compliments. If you use our cream, those whiskers will come out with a … (click)

Station G: …CRASH!! Goldilocks had broken the little chair all to pieces. Then she jumped up and started up the stairs. There she saw three beds. The first bed was covered with a bearskin rug, which was too soft. The second bed was covered with… (click)

Station A: …what looked like crawling things from the press box, but it was only the players in hard scrimmage. We are looking with expectations to _______ winning their ________ championship this fall. The players are in good condition and average weight is… (click)

Station E: …110 pounds. You, too, can weigh this much if you but follow these simple exercises. Don’t take them too hard at first or you will probably have to… (click)

Station F: …(Singing) lay on a pillow. Last night as I lay on my bed; last night as I lay on my pillow, I dreamed that my Bonnie was… (click)

Station B: …cooking in a hot oven about 450 degrees Fahrenheit. For an extra treat, garnish, add cloves or whole… (click)

Station G: …bears? Will Goldilocks get home safely? How will the story end? Keep your radio tuned to this station until tomorrow at this time for the next episode of this thrilling story. Until then kiddies, be sweet and don’t forget too… (click)

Station D: …shave off the whiskers with Bates’. Our motto is… (click)

Station E: …stand on your head and wave your feet in the air. Gym clothes are best for this exercise, but… (click)

Station C: …on ostrich feather will do just as well. Take my tip and you girls will be as fashionable as… (click)

Station A: …________, to whom we are looking for great things this year. This is your friendly announcer, Seymour Skidmarks signing off and saying… (click)

Station C: …Night all!

You Were Lucky #2 Skit

Materials:
pitcher

Characters:
3 guys/girls

Directions:
Use same guy starting each round and same guy going second and third. This will set up the conclusion. Guys go in order (separated by semicolons).

NOTE: During the skit, someone will need to take a break and go behind us to get the pitcher of Chateau to establish the fact that it is there.

ROUND 1 - Family

1. 9 brothers and sisters; 20 brothers and sisters; 43 brothers and sisters
2. 2 room shack; cardboard box; hole in the ground
3. ate gruel & grits, snails, bugs; I dreamed of eating snails, no breakfast, bark; no breakfast & gruel; no breakfast, no lunch, no dinner
   

ROUND 2 - Education

1. parents required all A's; required 100 percent; required 125 percent
2. my mama "Lady Wrestler" weighed 346 lbs. and would whup me with a leather strap; daddy was a Marine drill Sargent was 6'9" and 2000 lbs. and he whup me with a stick; my ole man was one of Hell's Angels and he was 9'6" and weighted 5000 lbs. and he didn't whup me with straps, he used chains then tied me to the back of his motorcycle and drug me through town
   

ROUND 3 - Work

1. worked plowing fields, everybody else had tractors, I had a shovel; worked in a coal mine, didn't have no picks or shovels, I used a toothpick and got air through a tube; I cleaned out out-houses, all we used was hands and mouth, didn't get no air
2. many a day I worked 14 hours a day; worked 22 hours a day; worked 29 hours a day

At the end, the first guy gets fed up with the other two for topping him and jumps up and starts mouthing. The second guy is mad at the third and he starts mouthing. The third guy sits alone proudly stating that they were lucky. The other two, in the meantime, get their Chateau De Sauce and pour the water pitcher on the third.

You Were Lucky #1 Skit (The Liars)

Materials:
none

Characters:
2 guys

Directions:
I: Imagine us, sitting in the fanciest pub in England, drinking our Chateau de Chauclea wine.
II: Right you are, 30 years ago we would have been lucky to have had a cup of tea.
I: Cold tea.
II: Yes, without sugar or milk.
I: Or tea.
II: In a cracked and filthy cup.
I: We used to be so poor that we would drink tea out of a rolled-up newspaper.
II: You were lucky to have a newspaper, we used to have to suck our tea out of a damp cloth.
I: We were poor but we were happy.
II: We were happy because we were poor.
I: Right you are, my daddy said that dollars would never buy happiness.
II: That’s because he never had any money, the bloody beggar.
I: When I was young we used to live in a house with big holes in the roof.
II: You had a house? You were lucky! We used to live in a bottle cap, 23 of us in the middle of the ocean.
I: Well, I say it was a house, actually it was a room — all 36 of us, and we had only half a floor. We had a big hole in the middle of the floor and we used to huddle next to the wall for fear we would fall in.
II: You were lucky! We used to live in a hallway.
I: Well, you were lucky! We used to live in an abandoned septic tank in the middle of the garbage dump.
II: You lived in a septic tank? You were lucky! We lived in a paper sack in the bottom of a toxic waste dump. Every morning we would awaken to nuclear waste being dumped on us until we glowed.
I: Actually, the house I was telling you about was no more than a hole in the ground, covered with twigs.
II: Well, you were lucky! We were evicted from our hole. We had to live in the bottom of the lake.
I: You were lucky to live in the bottom of a lake. There was 150 of us living in a shoe box in the middle of a road. We dreamed of living in a lake.
II: You were lucky to live in a shoe box. We lived in a brown paper bag. All 300 of us! Got up at 6 AM, ate a crust of stale bread, and worked in the mills for 12 hours. When we got home Dad would beat us and put us to bed with no dinner.
I: Well you were lucky! We used to get up at 3 a.m., strain the lake clean with our teeth, eat a cup of hot grave, work 15 hours at the mill and when we got home our Dad would beat us about the head and shoulders with a broken beer bottle and use us for kitty litter.
II: We dreamed of that! We used to live in a rusty tin can in the middle of the road. One hour after sunset we would clean the road with our tongues, eat a handful of cold gravel and work 20 hours at the mill with no pay! When we got home our Dad would cut us up with a dull gensu knife and use us for cheese fondue.
I: Well, you were lucky! That was luxury. We used to get up in the morning at 10 at night — which was half an hour before we went to bed - eat a hunk of dry poison — work 29 hours a day at the mill and when we got home or parents would kill us and dance around our grave singing "Glory, Glory, Hallelujah".
II: But you tell that to the kids today and they simply don’t believe you.

Future Banana Skit

Materials:
strobe light, 2001: A Space Odyssey theme song, banana

Characters:
eater

Directions:
This short skit requires no words. A guy walks out on stage, sits on a chair in the middle of the stage and takes out a banana. Meanwhile, the music from the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey is playing in the background and the lights are off with the strobe light on. The guy peels the banana and eats it to the music. If done properly, with appropriate facial expressions, the results are hilarious.

Monk Monotony Skit

Materials:
large sign which reads "ten years later"

Characters:
Main Monk, Monk Monotony, sign carrier

Directions:
Main Monk: So Monk Monotony, you have just taken a vow of silence? (Monk Monotony nods his head "yes") Do you know what this vow of silence means? (Monk Monotony shakes his head yes) That’s right, you cannot say anything but two words for the next ten years. You may go now.

(Monk Monotony exits. After 20 seconds in which the Main Monk does nothing, the sign carrier enters slowly from right and exits slowly to the left, carrying the sign which reads "Ten years Later" Monk Monotony enters.)

Main Monk: Yes, Monk Monotony your first ten years are up, and you may say your two words.
Monk Monotony: Hard bed.
Main Monk: You many go now.

(Monk Monotony exits. After abut 20 seconds in which the Main Monk does nothing, the sign carrier enters slowly from the right and exits slowly to the left, carrying the sign which reads "Ten Years Later" Monk Monotony enters.)
Main Monk: Yes, Monk Monotony your second ten years are up, and you may now say your two words.
Monk Monotony: Bad food.
Main Monk: You may go now.

(Monk Monotony exits. After abut 20 seconds in which the Main Monk does nothing, the sign carrier enters slowly from the right and exits slowly to the left, carrying the sign which reads "Ten Years Later" Monk Monotony enters.)

Main Monk: Yes, Monk Monotony your third ten years are up, and you may now say your two words.
Monk Monotony: I quit (he begins to exit immediately)
Main Monk: Well, I am not surprised. You've been complaining ever since you got here.

The Mona Lisa Skit

Materials:
long black wig, black robe, black shawl, picture frame out of old boards, water pistol, banana, cream pie

Characters:
Mona Lisa, singer

Directions:
Have someone memorize the words to the old Nat King Cole favorite "Mona Lisa." Then dress someone up as the Mona Lisa herself in a long, black wig, black robe and black shawl. Build a picture frame out of some old boards and have the "Mona" sit behind it. Drape the bottom of the picture frame to the floor so that the audience cannot see the Mona Lisa’s feet.

He is going to sing a very serious song for them. As the song begins, the curtain opens to reveal the Mona Lisa. The singer turns to see the Mona Lisa and begins to sing to the picture. During the song, however, the Mona Lisa comes out of character; she picks her nose, sneezes, cleans out her ear, shoots water pistols at the singer, blows a kiss to the singer, eats a banana, and does any other things that you might think of. All of this should be done every time the singer turns away from the Mona Lisa to face the audience. The skit ends with the singer getting a whipped cream pie in the face, at which point the singer jumps through the picture frame and chases the Mona Lisa.

The Pencil Salesman Skit

Materials:
pencil

Characters:
sales manager, dumb salesman, customer

Directions:
Manager: Now I want you to pay close attention to me so you can become a great salesman.
Salesman: Duh, okay.
Manager: First you hold your pencils in you hand and say, "Pencils for sale." Practice saying that.
Salesman: Pencils for sale, pencils for sale, etc.
Manager: Okay, that’s enough. Next, the first question people will ask you is "How much are they?" and you will say "Ten cents. Three for a quarter."
Salesman: "Ten cents. Three for a quarter."
Manager: Right. They will ask you, "What color are they?" and you will tell them, "Yellow."
Salesman: "Yellow, yellow"
Manager: Good. Then the person will buy one or else he will say, "No, I don’t want to buy one" and you will say, "If you don’t, somebody else will."
Salesman: If you don’t somebody else will.
Manager: Very good. Now, let’s practice it once and then you are on your own. (They go through the questions and answers).

Now the salesman is alone on the street corner calling out "Pencils for sale." The first customer enters in a hurry, the salesman doesn’t notice him, turns around, hits the customer and knocks him to the ground. He gets up, begins to dust off angrily.

Customer: (outraged) Do you know how much this suit cost me?
Salesman: Ten cents, three for a quarter.
Customer: (furious now) What’s the matter with you? What do you think I am?
Salesman: Yellow.
Customer: Say, would you like me to punch you in the nose?
Salesman: If you don’t somebody else will.

Customer begins to beat the salesman up and both run off stage.

Reggie and the Colonel Skit

Materials:
high socks, safari hat, glasses, mustache, gun, small knapsack, cane

Characters:
Reggie, Bermudas, Colonel

Directions:
Reggie is big and dumb. Bermudas wears high socks, safari hat, glasses, down on nose, mustache, carries gun in front of him. Colonel is short, limp, no gun, just small knapsack, has cane. They are walking in place through darkest Africa, speaking with pronounced English accent.

Colonel: (excited, jumping and pointing with cane) Reggie, look… Did you see it, Reggie?
Reggie: See what? No, no, where, where?
Colonel: Oh, Reggie, it was a beautiful condor, 8 foot wing span, beautiful colors.
Reggie: No. I didn’t see it.
Colonel: Wish you’d pay closer attention. (They continue walking.)
Colonel: Did you see it, Reggie?
Reggie: No, what?
Colonel: A spotted zebra… wish you’d pay closer attention.
Colonel: (later) Did you see it, Reggie? Did you see it?
Reggie: No, I missed it… what was it?
Colonel: An ooh-aah bird.
Reggie: An ooh-aah bird. What’s an ooh-aah bird?
Colonel: An ooh-aah bird is a 2 pound bird that lays a 3 pound egg, like this: oooooooooh aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (face lights up; continue walking).
Reggie: (whispers to audience) next time I’ll say yes-pretend like I saw it. I’ll fool him.
Colonel: Reggie, Reggie, did you see it? (Excited)
Reggie: I saw it, I saw it!
Colonel: Then why in heaven’s name did you step in it?!

Sex (Mud) Skit

Materials:
notebook, paper, pen, psychologist costume

Characters:
patient, psychologist

Directions:
Patient and psychologist sit in chairs in front of the club. As the scene opens the doctor holds up a circle (drawn on paper) where everyone can see it and asks the patient what it reminds him of.

He goes wild screaming, "Sex, sex, sex" (or "mud, mud, mud"). Next the doctor holds up a triangle, and asks the patient what it reminds him of. The patient goes wild again screaming sex (mud). The doctor then holds up a square and again in the patient goes wild.

The doctor says, "I know what your problem is. You've got a dirty mind." The patient says, "Me? You’re the one with all the dirty pictures!"